WHAT OTHERS SAY…
When you hear the words “it’s over” it’s a feeling like no other and your heart breaks at the thought of something that was once the most beautiful and joyous union, now being the one thing that hurts the most.
As a lot of couples do, we ignored the warning signs and would downplay what seemed to be minor issues between us. These so called ‘minor’ issues eventually re-appeared and when they did, it always seemed so much worse.
Life was busy and we had a 9 month old baby so our attention was no longer on each other but the daily pressures including money concerns, sleep deprivation, having a new baby and general day to day challenges. At the time, so much attention was placed on the little things and all the while, we grew apart, became disrespectful and undermined everything that we had promised each other on our wedding day. That now seemed nothing more than a distant memory with no meaning of the vows we pledged to each other.
In the midst of anger, disappointment, hurt and shame, we were both turning our thoughts to a life without each other and trying to figure out financially what we could do and how to manage co‑parenting of our innocent and beautiful little boy.
Communication was almost non-existent and when it was, it was full of disrespect, failure and tension.
A Wife’s Perspective
As a wife, I was very quick to lay blame. “How could he do this to me, to us? Why does he have to be so disrespectful? Why does he call me names?”
Whilst these were valid questions, I was ignoring the fact that this was just as much my fault as it was his. Unfortunately, I had contributed to the circle of anger and disrespect that had become our marriage.
At the time, it was very easy to blame and I was so focussed on the “how could he?” that I lost sight of the real reasons why this was happening.
A Husband’s Perspective
When I made the very difficult step of contacting Kym for help, I had no one else to turn to. I felt helpless, angry, defeated and shameful.
I knew what I had said and done were hurtful and wrong but I felt like I couldn’t fix it. I was in the deepest, darkest hole with no way out and all I could see was a future without my wife and the shameful looks and opinions that I would receive. I felt like everyone would blame me and no one would see my side of things. I had lost my family; my wife and my baby son who I had worked so hard to support. How did our marriage end up like this?
I knew that I had become disrespectful; we both had. We were both caught in a web of blame which resulted in our destruction.
Kym worked with both of us and there were certainly times when we thought, “this is useless and a waste of time!” Kym made us realise that it was our choice whether or not we wanted to save our marriage and whilst she was there to help us do that, unless we were both 100% committed to saving our marriage, she could not make us want it or do it. We made the commitment to each other and with Kym’s guidance and support, proceeded on a journey that ultimately saved our marriage.
The tools we received and the lessons we learnt were invaluable and still to this day, are used by us to assist in our marriage continuing in a strong and healthy way.
Even if you feel as though there is no saving what you once had, at least make an attempt with the assistance of a professional like Kym. We thought there was no saving our marriage but we were wrong!! You may be too and the fact that you have taken the step to get to the point of reading this, may be an indication that your marriage is possible to save.
Your journey may be difficult and draining, and at times, may even seem hopeless. Our marriage is very strong and special; not perfect, but no marriage will ever be that. Kym has provided us with invaluable tools and what we have now is wonderful and we love each other’s company; we love laughing together; spending time together and our (now) 2 beautiful children; we appreciate each other; we are honest, respectful and our communication is much more effective.
Without Kym’s help, we would have divorced by now. We would be experiencing shared care arrangements, a property settlement would have occurred, there would have been significant legal fees; child support issues; more anger; more disappointment. That was our harsh reality and we thank God for the fact that Kym came into our lives and helped us save ourselves from this pain and heartache.
We didn’t want to become another Divorce statistic and you can avoid this too!! Stay strong, committed and look into each other’s heart and soul and commit to a wonderful life together.
Our warmest wishes – Milan and Louise